I have found that my biggest mentor role is in being a mother.
This is long, šš¼ so I donāt expect anyone to read it, but I have taken some excerpts from Elder Maxwell and I thought it was really profound. It has given me a lot to ponder on further.
Neal A. Maxwell in his talk, š½šš š¢š š”āš ššššššš” šššš”šš says, āEach of us, from time to time, is mentored and has chances to mentor. In my experience, truthful and caring one-liners that occur within such nurturing relationships have a long shelf life! You can probably recount three or four examples of how people have said somethingāprobably a sentence or clauseāand you remember it still. It moves and touches you still. Such has been the case with meā¦Jesusā mentoring and tutoring arose out of His divinity, of which I testify, and often occurred in the form of searching questions, sometimes even wrenching questionsā¦There are tactical advantages as well as spiritual advantages that can accompany inspired questionsā¦Christās commendations are as specific as His questionsā¦By its very nature, mentoring is an exercise filled with hope. It is instructive and inspirationalā¦ Christ will often give us His diagnosis of a situation, but it is not necessarily a despairing diagnosis. It states the real deficiencies and invites us to work upon them successfullyā¦
Your lives, your friendships, your marriages, your families, your neighbors and coworkers currently constitute the sample of humanity which God has given you. We are each otherās clinical material, and we make a mistake when we disregard that sober fact. No wonder, therefore, we feel stress at times. The wise and insightful President Brigham Young said this: āThere are no two faces alike, no two persons tempered alike; ā¦ we are tried with each other, and large drafts are made upon our patience, forbearance, charity, and good will, in short, upon all the higher and Godlike qualities of our natureā (in Deseret News, 6 July 1862, 9). Now, you are going to have days when people make a large draft on your patience, when they lay claim to your long-suffering that you may feel they donāt quite deserve. This is part of the chemistry that goes on in discipleship if we are serious about it, as we constitute each otherās clinical material.
It is within these circles of influence that you can strive to carry out all the dimensions of the second great commandment, including giving praise, commendation, and occasional correction. It is good for us to develop further our relevant skills. Paul prescribed, however, āspeaking the truth in loveā (Eph. 4:15). There is something about othersā knowing that we love them which convoys, accompanies, and helps something to get through. We may speak the truth to a person who doesnāt like compliments. We may speak the truth to a person who canāt stand any sort of suggestion or reproof. If we speak the truth in love, however, there is a much greater chance that what we say will find its mark in the hearts and the minds of other peopleā¦You and I can sense when people speak to us in loveā¦ Isnāt it interesting that Jesus was the great praise giverā¦each of us has far more opportunities for bestowing deserved praise than we ever use!ā¦ It is important for us to ask ourselves, Can we give and receive correction as well as giving and receiving commendation? We are cautioned by Paul, interestingly enough, not to reprove others too much, causing them to ābe swallowed up with overmuch sorrowā (2 Cor. 2:7). President Brigham Young, ever practical as well as spiritual, said we should never reprove beyond the capacity of our healing balm to reach out to the person reproved (see Deseret News, 6 Mar. 1861, 1).
Aphorisms to Remember
In times of darkness, remember there is a difference between passing local cloud cover and general darkness.
Signs, if they are not supported by the righteous life and the continued influence of the Holy Ghost, have a short shelf life.
Pure charity is most elegant when it is expressed personally and quietly and when it is not a ritual expression of an assignment.
Never mistake a fashionable tide for the sea itself. Though real and dangerous, the āgulf of miseryā is not the entire ocean (see 2 Ne. 1:13).
Firmly determine the direction in which you will faceātoward the Lordāand then let the secular spinmeisters do their thing. Your hearts and your heads will not be turned by their ceaseless and clever spinning, however they may try. And try they will! You must determine the direction in which you face.
We cannot expect to live in a time when menās hearts will fail them except the faithful experience a few fibrillations themselves. We wonāt be entirely immune from feelings that go with these fibrillations.
Though our view of eternity is reasonably clear, it is often our view of the next mile which may be obscured! Hence the need for the constancy of the gift of the Holy Ghost. I think you will see this a number of times in your lives. You have cast your minds forward and are fixed on the things of eternity, and all of that is proper and good, but there is sometimes fog in the next hundred yards. You can make it through, but donāt be surprised when it is the short-term obscurity through which you must pass as a result of your faith in the long-term things.
How can we expect to overcome the world if we are too insulated from its trials and challenges? You will experience at times what might be called some redemptive turbulence. Think, for instance, of the Master and the roiling Sea of Galilee, tossed by the āwind boisterousā and ācontrary,ā and the anguished cry of His followers as in the lyrics we sing, āMaster, the tempest is ragingā (see Matt. 14:22ā33; Hymns, no. 105). Yet that tempest actually occurred on a tiny little sea only 12 miles by 7 miles! Nevertheless, for that moment, Galilee constituted the real world for those anxious disciples!
So it is with the little sectors of our lives. The sea may be roiling at times with waves of emotion, such as when one is offended, or by billows of anger, or, more commonly, by self-pity that threatens to swallow us up. Then, for us too, the calming of the Master becomes crucial. Remember how it was: after Christ and Peter came back āinto the ship, the wind ceasedā (Matt. 14:32). He can do that for us if we will let Him. It doesnāt matter how small our Galilee may seem; the boisterousness and the tempest will at times rage, but the remedy is still the same.
Elder Mark E. Petersen (1900ā1984) of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles once cautioned the General Authorities, āAdulation can be our ruinationā (quoted in Neal A. Maxwell, āPopularity and Principle,ā Ensign, Mar. 1995, 15). As one looks at Jesus again, the perfect example, there is no incident wherein He ever played to the gallery or curried favor or praise. Neither did He ever take an indulgent dip in the pool of self-pity. Nor did He ever know the intoxication that comes from recognition. Such tippling is not entirely unknown among us. Unlike Jesus, most of us are familiar with the fruit of that vine. This addicting nectar of recognition is not prohibited specifically in section 89 of the Doctrine and Covenants, but it is elsewhere! We are most likely to imbibe that nectar, by the way, when we feel underwhelmed or unappreciated. It is then that we may frequent the saloon of self-pity. One of the great things that we can do for each other is to stay away from that place. Hence my stress on providing deserved commendation and the love that is so preciousā¦
President Brigham Young said, āThe principle of love within us is an attribute of the Deity, and it is placed within us to be dispensed independently according to our own willā (in Deseret News, 4 Apr. 1860, 34). We decide how we express love. The Latter-day Saints āhave got to learn that the interest of their brethren is their own interest, or they never can be saved in the Celestial Kingdom of Godā (in Deseret News, 18 June 1856, 116). So profound, so powerful.
In the relationships of which I speakāthe mentoring, the tutoring, the commending, and occasionally the correctingāevery one of us has ample clinical opportunities to develop our capacity to love. Many of these opportunities, however, are like people. If we are not careful, they can pass us by unnoticed (see Morm. 8:39).
Fortunately, in addition to these bonfires there are blessed individual reveries that come to us in life. These are heartfelt moments when we are reflective, and they touch us deeply. But they are so fleeting. The day will come, brothers and sisters, when these reveries will not only be touching and heartfelt but everlasting in their splendor! For now they are exceedingly brief, and we are left to press forward. We need reflective leisure to ponder, but if there were too much of it, or if these moments were too prolonged, they would soon dissolve and lose their spiritual symmetry. So the reveries come, but they are brief, and then it is back to class in the curriculum the Lord has for each of us.
Development of Discipleship
The tilt of your soul now can further shape all the days that follow! If you become too insulated, too encrusted, too self-contained, too self-concerned, those patterns will end up constraining you like invisible barriers and borders in the days and years ahead. Stretch. Reach for that kind of developmental discipleship that will take you beyond where you thought you could go.
Isnāt it marvelous that, as happy as you have been in certain moments of your life, you know the happiest days lie ahead because of the hopefulness of the gospel? Isnāt it interesting that in the moments when you have felt most illuminated, nevertheless the brightest days still lie ahead? The blessings of the Lord can take you far beyond where you thought you could go.
I should like to bear my testimony that the Restoration will push and even crowd you at times because of the rapidity of the events that come upon us. Never be reluctant to be part of the Restoration and its onrollingness, and you will find yourself wafted in your spiritual development far beyond where you thought you could go. Events will come along that will more sharply define the Restoration for the human family. The need will be even greater for mentors and tutors to help people understand the significance of what they have heard and what they have seen involving the Restoration.
Finally, we must have the awareness, as we worship God the Father and His Son Jesus Christ, that God has all of the capacity He needs to save His children. In one sense you and I may say, What can we give God, who seems to have everything? The one thing we can give Him that He does not have and that He will not take is our wills. This is the act of spiritual submissiveness in which, like Jesus, the perfect mentor, we let our wills be swallowed up in the will of the Father. Such is a gift you can give that He desires from all of us.
To that end I bear my witness not only that Jesus lives but, in my feeble way, of how He lives! I remind you of the great encouragement which is also a directive: āWhat manner of men [and women] ought ye to be? Verily I say unto you, even as I amā (3 Ne. 27:27). In that discipleship there is joy unbounded that lies ahead; therefore, we can and should tolerate such mentoring and tutoring as may be necessary to get us where we can and should go. This is the generation that can roll forth the borders of this kingdom and have influence for good in the world such as has never been beforeā¦.
In the marvelous plan of salvation the mentoring Lord brings us along on each side of the veil, because He loves us. The sooner we can submit our wills to the Father as Jesus did, the greater will be the divine delight and the joy in us.
Reclaimed Wholeness: Reclaim Your True Identity 